


Pissing Off The Straights

by Therapeutic_Steter



Series: Prompt Fics [34]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alive Hale Family, Craigslist, Daddy Kink (mention), Fake/Pretend Relationship, Homophobic Language, M/M, The Hales are Mean to Peter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-20 22:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14271321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Therapeutic_Steter/pseuds/Therapeutic_Steter
Summary: platypusesrneat asked: Peter's family is alive, rich, and complete assholes. Peter can't stand them and is trying to get out of going to their stupid party. Cue Stiles saving the day!





	Pissing Off The Straights

**Author's Note:**

> I had a little trouble with this one. I’ve been staring at this one for like two weeks trying to find out how to end it and I’ve decided to just go ahead and post it.

The Craigslist ad was done entirely because he was desperate and maybe a touch curious on what types of people would respond.

_“Wanted:  date to horrible family dinner. Male preferred to piss off my homophobic parents. The food will be excellent; the company will be ignorant and infuriating snobs. (Except for myself; I'm a pleasure.) Bonus if you're capable of holding your own and being as snotty and bratty as possible. The more my family hates you, the faster we can leave, and the more you'll get paid._

_Me: male, 35, still single to the bane of my mother's existence, quite ‘sassy’ according to my father, and quite gay to the disapproval of both my parents.”_

Peter skimmed the responses, shaking his head as he deleted them. He wanted someone who'd verbally ruin his family, but punching them in the face (no matter how satisfying it would be to see, especially for some of his family members) was probably going too far.

_“Hello!_

_I, too, am single, gay, and surrounded by homophobes, although luckily it's my extended family and they've disowned my dad and I so I don't have to actually deal with them anymore. However, I still have plenty gay tricks up my sleeve and am always game for good food and pissing off The Straights._

_I'm 24, early graduated from Stanford with my Masters in Computer Programming and now have a job in new tech design, so successful enough to really rankle them and making them unable to make comments on my intelligence or on my life being a failure or a curse by god if they're religious. I am plenty sassy and an adorable twink, if I do say so myself (and I do). I'd also be 100% okay with calling you ‘Daddy’ for maximum traumatic effect.”_

Peter snorted at the last line before laughing loudly. Perfect. This one was perfect.

_“We have a winner!”_  he typed in response.  _“I've never been this excited for one of these gatherings before in my life. I look forward to working with you.”_

…

“Peter Hale?”

Peter looked up from where he'd been looking at his phone, smiling at the utterly  _delicious_ looking young man.

“You must be Stiles,” he said, standing and taking Stiles’ hand, kissing his knuckles. “You look lovely.”

Stiles laughed, his amber eyes bright and captivating. “Thanks. You’re not too bad yourself, Mr. Sassy Gay Fiend.”

Peter chuckled, gesturing for Stiles to take a seat before returning to his own. “I think I was right about you. This will definitely be fun.”

“So when’s the party?” Stiles asked, leaning his head on his hand.

“Next weekend,” Peter said, “Seemed like a good idea to meet before we move forward with any plans though.”

“Of course,” Stiles agreed. “So am I your kept boy that you’re finally taking home after much badgering by the family? Or am I the new arm candy that shows up because you’re my new sugar daddy?” Stiles leaned forward, teasingly batting his eyelashes, and Peter couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

“Well after being annoyed by my mother about my perpetual availability and how my good looks won’t last forever and ‘Peter, dear, why can’t you just get over this silly gay phase and find a nice girl to settle down with?’ I’ve decided to say ‘Fuck it’ and make out with my hot boyfriend where my parents and the rest of my family can see it.” Peter smirked, flashing a quick dimple. “It’ll make me feel better, anyways.”

Stiles eyes sparkled. “Does that mean I get to make out with you, dude? Cause you’re smoking.”

“The pleasure will be all mine,” Peter purred.

Stiles licked his lips. “Maybe we should practice,” he said, voice lowering. “For authenticity?”

Peter hummed, reaching out and brushing his fingers against Stiles’ hand. “Maybe after our date tonight? If you’re not busy,” he offered.

Stiles grinned. “Hell yeah.”

This was the best idea Peter’s ever had.

…

Stiles was having a blast. The food was absolutely amazing, as promised, and he didn’t have to be concerned if any of these people liked him. Except Peter, but he already liked him.

“How are you doing, dear?” Peter asked, kissing his temple chastely as he came to his side.

“These meatballs are orgasmic,” Stiles informed him seriously, noticing one of Peter’s cousins whose eye ticked at Stiles’ words. He grinned, leaning closer but not lowering the volume of his voice at all. “Almost as good as the orgasms you gave me last night. I didn’t think you could make me come after the third time, but you sure showed me.”

Peter laughed, delighted, as his cousin stomped off. “Stiles, I only made you come twice last night,” he corrected him, nuzzling against his cheek and kissing the corner of his mouth.

“Hm…then maybe it’s a challenge. You turning it down?” Stiles asked, hand reaching up to curl in the short hairs at the back of Peter’s neck.

“Never,” Peter breathed against Stiles’ lips before kissing him fully. He pressed Stiles’ back against the wall and the boy was careful to hold his plate of food so it wouldn’t fall on them even as he enthusiastically returned the kiss.

“Peter.”

Peter pulled away reluctantly, nipping at Stiles’ lip one last time and winking mischievously before turning to address his mother, hand sliding into Stiles’ naturally.

“You haven’t introduced us,” his mother said, eyeing Stiles like he had wandered in from the sewer.

“This is Stiles,” Peter said, squeezing his hand. “My boyfriend. Stiles, this is my mother, Carlotta Hale.”

“Lovely meeting you,” Stiles said, leaning against Peter comfortably. “You have an amazing son.”

She sniffed imperiously. “He’s something, isn’t he?” she said, clearly biting back something unpleasant.

Stiles grinned wickedly. “He’s also a great daddy,” he added, making Peter try to hide his grin behind his free hand.

Carlotta’s face scrunched in confusion. “What? Peter doesn’t have any children,” she said, confused.

Cora, Peter’s niece, just happened to be walking by and she snorted, covering her mouth. “Oh my god,” she whispered, looking over and catching Peter’s gaze. He winked at her and she lost it, leaning against the wall to keep from falling in her laughter.

Carlotta looked back at her. “What are you laughing about?”

“I’m sure Uncle Peter takes good care of his  _boy_ ,” Derek said in a deadpan, walking down the stairs with a scowl as he stared at his phone.

Stiles bit his fist, honestly in awe at the snark in this family. Carlotta huffed, face reddening as she understood what was being said, and she quickly scuttled away.

“Holy shit. Your niblings are perfect,” Stiles told him.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Cora managed out, wiping away tears. “So how did Uncle Peter really find you?”

“Craigslist,” Stiles said, resting his head on Peter’s shoulder. “We’ve been going out for two weeks now.”

“Wait, so you’re actually dating?” Derek asked, looking up from his phone. “Shit. Don’t tell Laura,” he said, glancing over his shoulder like she would show up.

“I heard that!” Laura shouted, popping up behind Cora and resting her elbow on her sister’s shoulder. “Pay up, bro.”

“Dammit,” Derek said, digging a twenty out of his pocket.

“I don’t know how you thought they were faking it. You can’t fake that,” Laura said, pocketing the cash and waving in Stiles and Peter’s direction.

“I can’t believe you all had a bet on if Stiles was actually my boyfriend and didn’t tell me about it,” Peter said, shaking his head.

“You’d cheat the system,” Cora informed him seriously.

“Uh, guys. Furious looking dude at six o’clock,” Stiles said, looking behind the three. They glanced behind themselves and all grimaced.

“Sorry, Stiles. We like you, but you guys are on your on,” Cora said, ducking away. Laura and Derek also disappeared, leaving Stiles to clutch at Peter’s hand tightly. In comparison, Peter seemed as calm as the eye of a storm, raising a brow.

“Hello, father,” he said, smiling cheekily. “Have you met my boyfriend, Stiles?”

“Your mother mentioned him,” Peter’s father intoned, voice deep and obviously unhappy. “I won’t tolerate this sort of behavior at my house, Peter.”

Peter raised a brow. “Oh? What behavior?”

“You’re acting obscene,” his father accused, eyes narrowed.

“I’m acting happy, father,” Peter spat, still with a smile on his face. “I don’t see how that’s obscene.”

“Get your plaything and get out,” his father demanded. “ _Now_.”

Peter shrugged, walking away like it didn’t hurt and Stiles was quick to follow. Stiles’ heart hurt at the way the man’s parents were acting, thinking about how his own father had been quick to embrace him when Stiles had come out and just as quick to cut out those family members who wanted to change Stiles or treat him badly.

“Peter!”

They paused one last time after crossing the threshold. A woman came out, looking harried and apologetic as she thrust a couple containers in Peter’s arms. 

“That’s quite alright, Talia, I don’t need—”

“Take them,” she said, biting her lip. “I made your favorite when mother told me you were planning on coming and you should get to eat it.” She looked over at Stiles. “I’m sorry this has to be your first impression of us. I promise my parent’s opinions are not shared by everyone.”

“Thank you, Talia,” Peter said, and his sister gave him a sideways hug.

“Maybe David and I and the kids could come by one day and we could have a dinner with you two? They’d love to get to know Stiles more, I’m sure,” she offered genuinely.

Peter glanced over at Stiles, raising a brow. “That would be nice,” Stiles agreed, happy to see someone in Peter’s corner at least. “I could invite my dad too; keep him from eating junk for a night at least.”

Talia laughed pleasantly and squeezed Stiles’ arm. “That sounds lovely. I look forward to it.”

“Now if you’ll excuse us, I’d like to go be obscene with my boyfriend in private,” Peter said.

Talia rolled her eyes while Stiles laughed. “Go, you drama queen,” she accused him familiarly. Peter tugged Stiles towards the car, giddy in a relationship for the first time.

“I do hope they haven’t scared you off,” Peter said once they were in the car, kissing Stiles’ knuckles from over the console.

“Oh, you’ll never get rid of me now,” Stiles giggled, leaning across the console and kissing Peter’s lips slowly. Peter hummed pleasantly, leaning forward as Stiles started to pull away to lengthen the kiss. When they pulled apart, he licked his lips before smirking dangerously.

“Perfect,” he murmured, finally putting the car in gear and starting for his apartment.

Stiles played with his fingers, looking out the window to hide his mischievous grin. “When we get to your apartment, you going to take care of your boy,  _daddy_?” he said impishly.

Peter’s grin was all predator as he stared out the front window. “If you’re a good boy, maybe,” he answered.

“Oh, I can be good,” Stiles murmured, leaning closer over the console and breathing the words against Peter’s neck.

Peter glanced over at him, stopping at a red light and grabbing Stiles by his hair, pulling him close and kissing himself breathless. Stiles blinked, dazed, when Peter ended the kiss just as abruptly, smirking as he continued on as the light turned green.  

“I know,” Peter told him smugly without looking.

Stiles hummed quietly, licking his lips before a slow smirk curled his lips. He squeezed Peter’s hand over the console.

“Get us to your apartment now so I can show you,” Stiles ordered.

“With pleasure,” Peter purred.


End file.
